Will counselling cure me?

Yes and no. As a counsellor in private practice I would like to say unambiguously yes. If I did, that would leave me open to criticism. Someone would look up cure in an Oxford dictionary and quote ‘restore to health (was cured of pleurisy)’. As most people enjoy a complete recovery from pleurisy, that is a very high standard. 

Not all dictionaries use that definition. The Chambers Dictionary offers, among others, ‘a means of improving a situation’. I could say yes to that without fear of being disgraced. 

If you have difficulties that have necessitated lengthy involvement with the psychiatric services it may be truer for you than for others that counselling will serve to ease suffering rather than approach the ideal of a complete cure. 

Psychiatrist. A medical practitioner specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness. Access to a psychiatrist is usually via a GP, who will refer a patient in the same way as to any other specialist. Psychiatrists generally work in hospitals or clinics.

What do you mean by cure? ‘I want to be happier.’ ‘I want to be more confident.’ ‘I want my partner to show me affection.’ ‘I want a partner.’ These things for the most part involve other people. That does set certain limits upon what can be achieved, as the other person(s) cannot be obliged to change in a positive way in response to what you do. In a partnership, though, you are 50% of it so any change in you is most likely to bring about a response. Of course, it may not be what you had hoped for in the short term, you might have been unrealistic. You may have to wrestle with strong feelings of your own: impatience that the other person is not changing at the rate or in the direction you would like, frustration that you cannot supplant an old habit of yours with a new one or you may not be able to summon up the courage to tackle the other person about what they are doing. 

Things can change rapidly. What was talked about at the start of therapy may cease to be important when it has been given time in discussion. I have known some unmourned losses to be in this category. Objectively little has changed. Subjectively things are different. Similarly views about others may change in discussion. After discussing the comings and goings of a relationship, over several sessions maybe, the other person may then seem less fearful perhaps, even comparatively weak.   

Psychologist. Not usually a medical practitioner. A psychologist is known by the branch of psychology in which she / he has specialised, for example: clinical psychologist, educational psychologist, etc. A clinical psychologist will be concerned with the nature, diagnosis, classification, treatment and prevention of mental disorders and disabilities.

Who or what does the ‘curing’? With physical medicine the answer seems, at first sight, to be straightforward. You go to your GP, walk away with a prescription, swallow the tablets and you feel better. Did the GP cure you? Or the tablets? Or did you do it, in that you decided to go to the GP, yours was the bright idea that led to the cure? The cure was effected by the coming together of each of those elements. The therapy equivalent would be your wish to change, the enlistment of a therapist, the working relationship between you, and the implementation of decisions. It is a truism that in therapy you do have to be much more active than in the stereotypical view of patient / GP interaction. Think not of tablets but of a spade that you pick up and use. The relationship between you and your counsellor is especially important.

Counsellor. A person trained to give guidance on personal, social, or psychological problems by applying psychological theories and communication skills to clients’ personal problems, concerns, or aspirations. Some forms of counselling also include advice giving, but most often the aim is that of providing assistance without directive guidance.  

For most people it is certainly true that thinking in terms of illness is not appropriate. Someone has said that what we generally suffer from are the problems of living. Life is complicated. A fair description of your current situation is, perhaps, that your experience to date has not equipped you to meet the difficulty you are facing. In fact, some of your experiences may have been disabling. On the issue facing you now, you have become vulnerable. Added to which, you have got into the habit of reacting in a manner that has not been effective, yet it feels like the only route you can take. Considering counselling is for you an approach that would break the pattern. Counselling holds out the prospect of reviewing the way things have been and providing company on the road you decide to take. You are joining the therapist in his or her belief that positive change is possible, you are adding your efforts to his or hers.

I express what I do by way of counselling as helping you explore problems so that you can decide what to do about them. Looking at it now, it seems incomplete in that it covers the first parts of therapy – the acquisition of insight and deciding what needs to be done – but leaves out the help that may be required to act on those decisions. It is the second part that usually takes the longest time.   

Psychotherapist. With the client as an active participant, psychotherapists offer the opportunity to address thought processes, feelings and behaviour in order to understand inner conflicts and find new ways to deal with, and alleviate, distress. I use the terms counsellor and psychotherapist interchangeably.

The spur to seeking therapy and to action may be the realisation that the solutions adopted so far have not worked. A new approach is needed and that is going to require the involvement of someone else so as to avoid going over the same old ground in the same old way. A counsellor comes into the picture when it is decided that it would upset the balance between friends for one of them to take all the time that will be needed and perhaps they are too close anyway. Also, there is more to counselling than listening and not giving advice.

Graham L Huxstep 

Accredited Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy

Helping you explore problems so that you can decide what to do about them.                   

Telephone: 020 8946 2014                                                                                   

Email: graham@counselling-help.co.uk                                                                                             

Website: http://www.counselling-help.co.uk   

1st. July 2007